I have been trying to write an adoption update post for weeks! For some reason, I keep holding off. I write a bunch of stuff, only to delete it later. It’s not that it is anything bad, just that it is emotional and I’m not yet sure what is the right level of open for this blog.
Danny and I have always felt very open to (and passionate about) adopting a child. In the adoption process, we have prepared for and learned about being open to the birth family of that child. We have opened up every facet of our lives to examination, from finances to communication style to health history to familial relationships and more. We talk about it openly with family and friends. Yet, when I sit down to write, the words somehow don’t do it justice; the love we have to give, the lives we have to share and the fierce hope with which we wait. And while I may be willing to blog about a lot of personal things, nothing compares to the kind of openness one experiences with adoption–(and we are not even to the big, emotional part yet). Not just to the baby you have been dreaming of but also to his or her birth mother and father and whole extended family. Regardless of whether the adoption is open or not, regardless of whether those people ever see or speak to the child again, we, as adoptive parents, carry them with us for our child. And in turn, in a feeble and unworthy gesture, we open ourselves up to inspection. How many people can a heart hold? Actually, a lot.
I know, I know. That is not much of an update. That is me coming to terms with how raw my emotions are about how open and vulnerable Danny and I make ourselves by putting our profile out there. And it is finally out there! On this blog. On The Cradle’s website. And in print form and Nook form at The Cradle. We are officially a “Waiting Family.”
This means that if an expectant mother comes to The Cradle seeking to make an adoption plan that she may find out about us in a few ways. 1. She could see us on the website. 2. She could read about us on the Nook. 3. A Cradle counselor could recommend us to her if we fit her criteria and she, ours. If she wants to learn more about us, she will request to view our full profile, which is the printed book we’ve created over the last few months. It is longer than anything you could see online and it contains more detail about our lives, our family, friends, reasons for adopting and parenting. When someone requests our long profile, we will receive a Request for Profile, an RFP. The RFP will provide Danny and I will some details about the expectant mother and, hopefully also, father. Information like health history, prenatal care, race, age, and thoughts/notes from the expectant parent counselor about her/their interest in making an adoption plan. We then approve or deny the RFP. If we approve, the expectant parent takes our profile home along with 4-5 others. She then chooses one couple/person out of those 5-6 to meet. Then, the expectant mother (and potentially also father) and her counselor sits down with us and our counselor in, what I can only imagine is, the most awkward meeting ever.
The other way this could happen is that someone who is considering adoption finds our profile online (like through this blog or on The Cradle’s website) before contacting an agency to make an adoption plan. That is why if you share this post on Facebook, link to our adoption page on Year of Fun, or like The Cradle on Facebook, you help spread the word. You never know what friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend may find herself making this difficult decision.
Danny and I both appreciate all of the support and love from our families and friends that came with this announcement months ago and the announcement in April that we are finally LIVE. I promise to keep you all updated on the progress of the adoption. For now, we wait.
I guarantee you that when a couple reads about you and Danny, they will feel the love that you both have to give. Honey… everytime I read something from you, I feel your emotions of surprise, pain, joy and even the fatigue that your RA can cause. There is no doubt in my mind that there is a very special baby to be born, that will delight in calling you both mommy and daddy. Wait you must; however harness the emotion of “waiting” and direct it in the planning for this great event!!!! Love to you both Robin