Author Archives: yearoffunsarah

Sep 30 2012
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Chicago Specific Fun, Fun for Couples, Nightlife

Day 5: Children and Art

Last night, I saw Sunday in the Park with George at the theater where I work. While this is a requirement of my job, I was also really looking forward to it. I saw the most recent broadway production but, after last night, I know that it did not reach me in the way I now believe this play can, the way it did last night.

“There are only two worthwhile things to leave behind when you depart this world of ours: children and art.” In the second act, Marie, who believes herself to be the daughter of George Seurat, says this to her grandson, also George and also an artist. George is somewhat lost, making the same light pieces over and over, putting most if his creative efforts in to getting the next commission rather than his actual work. But, as the play points out, that is the state of the arts today.

Contrast that with George Seurat in the first act, who works so intensely on his painting that he pushes everyone away, including the woman he loves, and does little to promote his work. He dies penniless and alone. As it is, George of the second act may not be penniless but he is alone. It is not until he stands in the very park where Seurat set his A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte and finds a bit of his family history in an old grammar book that he begins to take his grandmother’s words seriously.

Watching this play stirred up a lot within me. I’m unsure of my path as an artist and have been ever since I finished grad school. I don’t even know if I have a path as an artist. I do not think of myself the way I think of the characters in this play or the actors who portray them or the writers who gave them the beautiful words and music. I think of myself as someone who went to school for theater and who now works at a theater, who supports artists and loves art, but who is not one of them.

I’m also unsure of my path as a parent. Recently, one of my doctors said, “So you and your husband probably aren’t having kids because of your condition right?” At that time, we were just married and had both said we would like kids “some day” but had made no decisions nor spent any real time talking about it. The question totally threw me off. I never considered that I would not have kids because my arthritis would prevent me from being able to get pregnant, carry a baby to term or care for a baby after he/she is born. It is true that if we had a child right now, I would not be able to care for him/her alone. And it is true that I would be very nervous about being pregnant in my current condition. But I have always assumed that there are other options–surrogacy, adoption, a nanny.

All of this has been floating around in my head for more than a few months and really came forward when I heard those words. “There are only two worthwhile things to leave behind when you depart this world of ours: children and art.” Now I don’t intend to gauge my entire self worth based on one night in the theater, but children and art have been two of the things I want out of life. And love.

The love I definitely have! The rest is up in the air but I love when art, especially theatre, makes me think in this way and allows me to see something I struggle with on stage.

Sep 28 2012
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Food/Drink Fun, Fun for Couples, Nightlife, Rheumatoid Arthritis

Day 4: I think it’s working

After another long day at work (and another 8:00pm traffic jam), I was STARVING. Ok, not literally. But I did feel like my stomach was eating itself. Thankfully, my husband and I had a reservation at Deleece, a small neighborhood place and the location of our first date. We also ate here after he popped the question.

Going tonight was a special event because we honestly have not been out on a dinner date in weeks. Most nights, we sit on our couch and watch DVR or read, not because we do not want to go out but because my energy has been too low or I have been in too much pain. This has gone on for long enough that I, honestly, felt intimidated by the idea of tackling nightlife (and the two flights of stairs to get out of the apartment. I’m feeling a whole blog post on this in the future…). Coming from work made it a little less daunting and I was looking forward to reminiscing about the other times we’ve eaten at this restaurant.

Needless to say, it is a special place to us made more special by both this project and the adjustment it has had, in just four short days, on my mood. While I may have left work grumpy, tired and hungry (yet again), I arrived at Deleece, excited, energized and, well, hungry. Each fun activity I undertake leaves me feeling better than when I began. While I do not aspire to have fun every second of every day (that sounds exhausting) I have definitely noticed an adjustment in my attitude. I both look forward to fun every day and see more fun in other parts of my life.

Tonight we toasted to this blog and enjoyed a much needed night out.

Sep 27 2012
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Food/Drink Fun, Solitary Fun

Day 3: Quiet Morning

This morning the house was quiet. My husband went to work early, dropping the dog at daycare on his way. I got up, made my way to our kitchen, which is always full of sunlight, and decided today was the day to try herbal tea.

I have always been a coffee drinker, however I gave that up earlier this summer as part of a health cleanse, and had not, as of yet, replaced it with anything. So I looked through the sample k-cups that came with the Keurig and chose an Orange Spice Herb Tea. It brewed in about 15 seconds (thanks Keurig) and I sat not in front of the Today Show but at the kitchen table looking out the window.

This window faces west and overlooks our back alley, but somehow it gets a lot of light. The building across the alley has one of those wooden fire escape/balcony combos that are all over Chicago. (Why don’t we have one?) Each of the four units I could see has a lovely little table and chairs set. One has hanging flowers, one potted plants, one a grill and one a pumpkin. This building also has a fenced in area above their garage. While I sipped my tea, I wondered about what could be within that area. A basketball court? A garden? An animal sanctuary? A pool? It’s probably just a party spot with tables and chairs but a girl can dream right?

In the whole time I sat and sipped and looked, I did not see one person. No one was out sitting on their lovely little chairs at their lovely little tables. No one was shooting hoops, tending to their begonias, setting out carrots for the rabbits or swimming laps (at least not that I could see). It was peaceful, zen-like and a much needed moment of solace before going out in to the world.

Sep 26 2012
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Friends and Family, Fun for Couples, Games

Day 2: Bananagrams!

Today marked the start of a particularly busy period at work and a shift to longer days. This will last about 6 weeks before another slow period and I’m definitely worried about getting burned out. But today was just the first day, a day to get back in to the routine and celebrate the future bump in my bank account. If only the transition could have been so easy. My day was busy, hectic at times, full of nonstop calls, last minute projects and stress. I forgot to drink water, barely ate and had a headache by 3:00pm. By the time I pulled on to Lake Shore Drive, I was smack in the middle of an 8:00pm traffic jam. Needless to say I was a little grumpy when I got home, not to mention hungry and exhausted.

However, I love games. After reheating some Thai food and downing a glass of water, my husband and I got out an old favorite, Bananagrams! (Which I’m convinced you must always say and spell with an !)

TV off, cellphones down, we sat at our dinning table and played an intense game that came down to the last tile. I won. And it was really really fun.

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Sep 25 2012
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Online Fun, Rheumatoid Arthritis

Day 1: Opening Up

Creating this blog is the first fun thing! I really enjoyed designing and laying out the site as well as figuring out exactly what this project is all about.

Now, I have to think about how and if I will share it with friends and family. I would like to have readers but whether I would prefer they be strangers or loved ones, I cannot say. Putting this out there is not something I would normally do. I am not good at reaching out when I’m in need. Not, at least, when it comes to my arthritis.

In the past, when I have had flare ups, I would just hide in my apartment for a day or two until it passed. But both the longevity of my current problems and the fact that I do not live alone prevent me from doing this.

The issues I have now started a year ago. Previously, I was not taking anything for my arthritis but knew that it was time to start again. I wasn’t having major issues but also was not 100%. I started on Enbrel, an injectable that worked well for me in that past. But I kept getting infections and had to be tested for meningitis (ER visit number one). The only way to test for this, for those that don’t know, is to get a spinal tap. Thankfully, I did not have meningitis but I did end up with a spinal headache due to the pressure change on my brain when they drained the spinal fluid. The only relief I could find for this headache was to lay down. I spent 10 days in bed and when I was finally able to get up and around, I was having chest pain, dizziness, and shortness of breath. Doctors suspected I had a blood clot due to all the bed rest (ER visit number 2). I did not have a blood clot, perhaps just deconditioned from the bed rest?

From the imaging done for the clot, doctors saw that my lymph nodes were swollen. I was in a Walgreens when I got the call from my doctor saying that I needed to have a lymph node removed to test for lymphoma. One thing I am good at is keeping my cool long enough to get to a private space. I called my husband (then fiancé) from my car in tears, scared about the threat of cancer. Two short weeks later, I was having the procedure. Again, thank goodness, the tests were negative.

However all this testing and all the time resting left my arthritis totally enflamed. And for the past seven months, we have been trying to get it back under control with a combination of medications and cortisone injections. It’s been a period of trial and error during which I went back to work, got married in Mexico, was in a wedding in New Orleans and had my own big reception in Chicago. I was not hiding from people then.

And even though, my doctors did a good job of pumping me up for these events, they could not totally mask my discomfort. I got a lot of questions and concerned looks. When I reflect on it now, I realize that it did not go much farther than that because I shut down those conversations with a look and a one-word reply.

The one person I really can’t hide from though is my husband. He sees me at my very worst, when I need help just to get out of bed. On those days, he becomes my caretaker, getting me food, helping me dress and providing entertainment. Even if he has to go to work, he makes sure I’m all set up with everything I need before he leaves. I could go on and on. Seriously, the man’s amazing.

It is with his support that I start this adventure today. And I think it is the push I need to really open up about this part of my life that has been so private for so long.

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